Ranger and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Week
by jago-ji
Summary: Ranger is the recipient of Bella Morelli's evil eye, though he believes it is nothing but superstitious nonsense, at least at first. Can the perfection that is our Man of Mystery defeat Bella's curse?
1. Chapter 1

AN: Thank you, sonomom, for the title suggestion and several other ideas for this story.

 **Chapter 1**

Ranger slipped out of bed and made his way to the bathroom. After flushing the toilet, he grimaced when it kept running. Stephanie insisted it only needed a little jiggling of the handle, but he made a mental note to get the building super to fix it, permanently. He ran the hot water in the sink in preparation for shaving, but had to wait an inordinately long time before the water was hot enough.

Not for the first time, he exhaled in mild exasperation that Stephanie wanted to "go slow." He wanted her to move into his penthouse apartment where hot water was instantaneous and handle jiggling wasn't needed. But Stephanie was afraid of ruining their blossoming relationship by getting too close too soon. So Ranger spent several nights a week in Stephanie's outdated apartment.

As he shaved, he thought back on the last several weeks and the changes they had had brought. It had all started months ago when Steph's latest POS car burned up.

Steph had been upset because she had no idea why it had burned. She had no current FTAs or known stalkers. She kept saying it wasn't her fault. And it wasn't. This time.

Turns out it was Lula's fault. Lula had decided to be not only a bounty hunter wannabe but also a detective and had purchased a fingerprint kit, a magnifying glass and other crime detecting equipment. It was a hot summer day, and Lula had left the magnifying glass in the car when they went in to Cluck-in-a-Bucket to eat lunch. The glass ignited the comics section of the newspaper Lula had left on the passenger seat, and the car was engulfed in flames before anyone noticed.

Two fire engines, a paramedic's van and three Trenton police cars responded. One of the police cars was driven by Joe Morelli. Ranger hadn't shown up until later, but the Burg had been abuzz with the knock-down-drag-out fight that ensued between the cop and Stephanie. It was rumored that Stephanie had stomped on the cop's foot and told him she never wanted to see him again.

Ranger waited for Steph to return to Morelli, but she didn't. And she seemed happy about it, happier than he'd ever seen her. Like she'd made a decision and it set well with her. Morelli, on the other hand, didn't seem pleased at all and showed up at various places in the Burg when Steph was there, but Steph remained firm and pushed the cop away.

A few weeks after that, Ranger asked her to dinner and she accepted. They had an enjoyable time and he politely walked her to her door, not so politely kissed her and after making sure she was safely ensconced in her apartment, left. He wanted to show Stephanie that he was serious, and it was more than just about sex.

They repeated that scenario several times before Stephanie couldn't stand it anymore and literally attacked him when he dropped her off from their date. The sex was phenomenal. Ranger was inordinately pleased with her initiating sex. He'd been angry at himself for how he'd approached their first time together, making that ridiculous "deal" with her for bringing in Eddie DeChooch. He wanted to be sure that Stephanie wanted an actual relationship with him. He asked her to move in with him, but she told him she wanted to go slow, and not jump into anything. So they were going slow.

...

Ranger swung the Porsche into the only vacant parking spot at Giovichinni's Market and Deli, which just happened to be right near the front door. He didn't think anything of it, but he knew Stephanie would roll her eyes at his consistently good luck with parking spaces.

The Burg's Italian meat market and deli was always busy, but Fridays were the busiest as families stocked up for the weekend. Ranger found himself holding the door for several minutes as a large family tried to corral all their children into the store. As he played doorman, he studied the outside of the building.

Earlier that week, Mr. Giovichinni had asked Ranger for advice on installing a do-it-yourself security system after his deli had endured a rash of shoplifting incidents. Today was the first day Ranger had a few spare minutes to check it out.

Ranger had met the older gentleman years ago when he'd joined Trenton's local businessmen's association. With RangeMan Enterprises just getting underway, Ranger had wanted to put his best foot forward in the community and ease the fears of local businesses that RangeMan Enterprises was a legitimate security company. Mr. Giovichinni had befriended Ranger and introduced him to many of the clients still with RangeMan today.

Being a frugal man, Mr. Giovichinni wanted to purchase and install the cameras himself, but he wanted advice on where to locate them. Ranger felt he needed to do this personally out of respect for the older man.

Mr. Giovichinni was ringing up a customer so Ranger walked through the store scoping out the place for the best locations for cameras to scan the aisles as well as the exit doors. He rounded the far aisle and nearly stepped on a little old lady dressed all in black. Her eyes widened as she recognized him and she gave him a nasty look.

Ranger gave her a polite nod and tried to move around her, but she held out her hand and he stopped.

"You! You stole my Joseph's girl," she uttered, her strong Sicilian accent and quavering voice making it difficult to understand her.

"I beg your pardon?" Ranger said. It took him a second to realize this was Bella Morelli, Joe Morelli's grandmother.

She rummaged around in her cavernous quilted purse and pulled out a small leather sack. Reaching into the sack with her gnarled bony fingers, she brought out a pinch of gray dust and flung it at Ranger's face. She then took her gritty fingers and pulled down the lower lid on her right eye. Her eye bugged out and she started to chant.

"May you stumble and fumble

and fall on your face.

May you stammer and yammer

and lose all your grace.

With my eye's glare

I lay you bare.

Your badass will pale,

I will prevail."

Bella Morelli's wrinkled face contorted into an evil grin as she uttered, "You stole my grandson's true desire. Your life is now ruled by my ire." The old woman took another pinch of dust from the sack and puffed on it. Ranger pulled his head back, but felt the powder settle on his face. He stepped back a pace. She cackled and shuffled off down the aisle.

Ranger was suddenly aware someone was close to his back, and he spun around to find Mr. Giovichinni crouched behind him. The old man straightened up and gave Ranger a horrified look.

"Oh my! Oh my! This is awful. I am so sorry this happened to you in my store," Mr. Giovichinni exclaimed.

"What just happened?" Ranger asked, flicking the powder off his face.

"That was Bella Morelli," Mr. Giovichinni answered. He glanced around and lowered his voice. "Bella just gave you the _malacchio_ , the evil eye. She cursed you."

"That's ridiculous!" Ranger said.

"I'm so sorry, Mr. Mañoso," he apologized, wringing his hands.

Ranger dismissed such talk and insisted on going ahead with the security advice he'd been asked to provide. He walked Mr. Giovichinni through the store, pointing out the locations he thought the cameras should be placed. He saw how shaky the old man was and insisted he send over his men to install the cameras the old man would have to buy. Mr. Giovichinni finally agreed and apologized again for Ranger's bad luck with Bella Morelli.

Again, Ranger dismissed the idea of a curse, and he left the deli. As he strode to his vehicle, he disturbed a small flock of pigeons feasting on a spilled bag of potato chips that lay strewn on the asphalt of the parking lot. The birds flew up and Ranger felt a light touch on his shoulder. He swiveled his head and saw a white blotch staining his jacket shoulder. Before he could react, a second drop splattered across his chest. The pigeons rapidly settled back down to their feeding, milling around Ranger's feet.

Disgusted, Ranger pulled a handkerchief from one of his cargo pants' pockets and wiped the smears off. As he slid into his Porsche, he heard a high-pitched cackle, but saw no one in the parking lot, only the flock of pigeons pecking busily away at the last few remaining chips.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

The next afternoon, as Ranger drove the highway between Newark and Trenton after a business meeting, his vehicle ran out of gas. Irritation set in when Ranger realized the fuel gauge indicated there was still a half tank. Rather than call one of his men to bring a gallon of gas to him, he decided it was quicker to hoof it the few miles to an exit with a gas station.

At the gas station, he handed the attendant his platinum credit card and was shocked when the teenaged boy pulled out a pair of scissors and cut the card in half.

"I'm sorry, your credit card company told me to do it," the boy explained, while he shrank against the wall under Ranger's withering gaze.

Without a word, Ranger threw down several bills and strode out of the store, a filled gas container in his hand. He always had plenty of cash on him, so he was able to pay for the needed fuel, but was upset that his bank hadn't honored his card. He paid all his bills on time and knew that was not the problem. He'd definitely be having words with his credit card company when he got back to RangeMan.

As he jogged back to his car with a small can of gasoline, it started to rain. Within seconds, he was soaked, which didn't help his bad mood. Things like this never happened to him. He felt like throwing the can across the highway, but tamped down his anger. The day had been one frustration after another.

Earlier in the day, during a business meeting with a new client in Newark, he discovered he'd brought the wrong contracts. After a delay waiting for Tank to email the correct contracts to his laptop and asking the client if he could print them out, Ranger went to sign on the dotted line and the pen he was using, his favorite Montblanc pen, suddenly released its cartridge of ink and ruined the contract. His client was not pleased to have to reprint another contract and sign them again. The blunders did not represent Ranger and RangeMan Enterprises in a smooth, efficient light.

That evening, Ranger pulled into Steph's apartment parking lot to pick her up for a much needed, relaxing dinner at Rossini's, his favorite Italian restaurant. The only parking spot he could find was in the back of the lot next to the smelly dumpster. He locked the Porsche and made his way to the building's back door, uncharacteristically stumbling over one of the concrete parking chocks. To his dismay, he saw there was a tear in his black slacks. Just a little rip in the right knee, hardly noticeable. No one saw him stumble, but he was annoyed with his unusual clumsiness all the same. He was glad the day was nearly over, and he could spend some quality time with Stephanie.

He proceeded into the lobby intending to take the stairs, but octogenarian Mrs. Bestler was waiting for him in the elevator and insisted she "escort" him to the second floor. Cursing his poor timing, he relented and stepped into the elevator. Despite his icy glare, she leaned into him and batted her rheumy eyes at him.

"My, you're a big one," she noted. Putting her hand on her hip, she crooned, "Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, you walk into mine." She winked at him and lowered her voice, "I rented the movie Casablanca tonight. Why don't you come up to my place and we can watch it together. I'll make us some popcorn with lots of butter. It might be the beginning of a beautiful friendship."

Her weepy eyes fluttered at him again, and he swallowed the bile that rose up his throat. He politely declined and as soon as the elevator doors opened, he hurried into the refuge of Stephanie's apartment, relief oozing out of him as the door closed behind him. When did little old ladies feel they could come on to him so blatantly? When did his ability to glare at people and get them to back off stop working?

An hour later, he arrived at Rossini's with Stephanie, parking in the back. As he escorted Stephanie in front of him, he didn't notice a small pothole until too late and stumbled against a pile of garbage bags. His hand sunk into one of the bags and came out covered in a stinky sludge, and, to his dismay, the small rip in his pants had ripped a little further. He let Steph continue on to their reserved table while he visited the restroom to wash up. He was so focused on getting to the table unnoticed with the gaping hole in the knee of his pants that he wasn't aware of his surroundings, and didn't see Grandma Bella and Angela Morelli sitting at another table across the restaurant. Bella, however, was very aware of Ranger and kept her eyes glued to him throughout the evening.

Just as Ranger slid into the booth across from Steph, a young boy brought menus and two goblets of ice cold water to the table. The youth was obviously nervous and stuttered, "Y-Y-Y-Your waiter t-t-t-tonight is J-J-J-Justin."

Ranger looked up and asked, "W-W-W-Would you b-b-b-bring us the w-w-wine list?" He couldn't believe his ears as he stuttered and stammered his way through the simple sentence. The young boy looked mortified, thinking Ranger was mocking him.

Steph raised her head, her eyes wide and exclaimed, "Ranger," with an intonation of both question and disbelief. Ranger had no explanation, so said nothing, but Stephanie couldn't let it go. Her eyes narrowed and she kicked Ranger in the shins under the table. Unfortunately, her stiletto heel caught in the rip in Ranger's pants and nearly tore his pants leg off.

"Oh my God!" she cried, ducking her head under the table for a second to see the damage to Ranger's slacks. "I can't believe that happened. It's not my fault."

"Don't worry about it, Babe," he told her, a resigned look on his face. "Let's just get through dinner and I'll deal with it when we get home." A high-pitched cackle came from across the room, but when Ranger swiveled to see where it came from, he didn't see anyone laughing.

Their waiter, Justin, came by with the wine list and to recite the evening's specials. After Justin was finished speaking, Ranger indicated they were ready to order. But when Ranger opened his mouth, he started coughing. Justin politely waited for Ranger to take a sip of water. But as Ranger tried to speak, he couldn't stop coughing. When the coughing finally stopped, after several sips of water, Ranger tried to order again but he had no voice left, he could only croak.

Justin turned away slightly and rolled his eyes, ignoring the sharp look Ranger gave him. Steph jumped in and ordered for both of them.

After the waiter left, Steph asked, "Are you all right?"

Not trusting himself to speak, he just nodded and cleared his throat, wondering what was wrong with his voice. Wanting to reassure Stephanie, he reached for her hand, but, in the process, knocked over her water goblet, soaking the white tablecloth. Waiters rushed to replace the wet cloth, drawing attention to the table and irritating Ranger. At least the arrival of their dinners was uneventful, and both Ranger and Stephanie enjoyed a quiet dinner together.

But toward the end of dinner, Ranger reached for his wine glass and accidentally knocked it over, staining not only the white tablecloth but his slacks, too. He had had enough. Stephanie was just getting ready to dig into her tiramisu, but Ranger insisted they leave, immediately. As Ranger led a pouting Stephanie across the restaurant floor, he noticed Bella Morelli sitting at a booth with Joe's mother. Bella was grinning and pointing her finger at him and at his wet, torn slacks. She shook her finger at him and then touched her eye as if to say, "Gotcha!"

 _Could it be?_ he thought, but then dismissed that ridiculous notion. Curses were for the gullible and superstitious. And he was anything but.

Steph confronted him as soon as they got in the car. "Did something happen between you and Grandma Bella?"

"If you are referring to that little old lady in the restaurant, I ran into her yesterday at Giovichinni's. She indicated she wasn't too happy that you and I were seeing each other. Seems she is a little overprotective of her grandson."

"A little?" Steph cried. "A grizzly bear is less protective of her cubs than Grandma Bella is of Joe. She didn't... um... do anything to you, did she?"

Ranger chuckled. "Are you afraid she might beat me to a bloody pulp? Really, Babe?"

Steph rolled her eyes. "I'm not worried about her hitting you. More like..." she paused and blew out some air.

Ranger put his hand over hers and said, "That old lady can't do anything that could hurt me." Steph started to say something, but Ranger squeezed her hand. "Don't worry about it." She turned in her seat and stared out the window, but didn't say anything else.

On the way home, since Stephanie didn't get her dessert, she insisted Ranger stop at a convenience store and let her stock up on Tastykakes and candy bars. While he waited in the car, his frustrations built as he went over all the things that had gone wrong that day. He didn't believe in the evil eye or curses, but he had to admit, his day had definitely been a disaster. He also didn't believe in luck, good or bad. He believed a man made his own fortune, but he had no explanation why things had taken a turn for the worse for him today. He wanted nothing more than to go home and lock himself behind closed doors. With Stephanie, he amended.

He almost chuckled when he realized his terrible day was like a normal day in Stephanie's life. How did she do it, day after day, and stay so upbeat? He watched her leave the convenience store and walk toward him. She was beautiful and sexy and she was his. The day's miserable events dropped off him as he reached across the car to open the passenger door for her, and he gave her a long drawn-out kiss before driving home.

When they arrived at her apartment, he wanted to go to bed right then, but Steph wanted her dessert. He waited impatiently in the kitchen while she gobbled down four Tastykakes and three candy bars.

As she popped the last bite of a butterscotch krimpet into her mouth, Ranger moved behind her and lifted her mass of curls, planting kiss after kiss on her shoulders and neck. Continuing with his seduction, he moved Stephanie slowly into the bedroom and began to remove her little black dress. The back zipper was a simple affair, but Ranger fumbled it and the zipper caught on the silk jersey fabric. As he continued to tug on the zipper, Steph finally protested his roughness.

"Let me do it, Ranger," she said.

"No, I've got it," he insisted, and tried to force the zipper down.

Stephanie grimaced and pleaded, "Please, let me do it. The dress is brand new and it cost me a fortune."

"Dammit, I'll buy you a dozen dresses," he snarled, letting his frustration show in both voice and motion.

"No, you won't. I'm not a kept woman," Steph responded and slipped out of his grasp. She went into the bathroom to get out of the dress herself.

Reluctantly, Ranger stripped down and climbed into bed to wait. Steph finally came out in her scruffy pink bathrobe and then sat at the end of the bed to apply lotion to her arms and legs.

Usually a man of infinite patience, tonight Ranger was on edge and couldn't wait. He scooted down the bed and put his arms around her, pulling her back against him. She responded as she always did, melting into his arms and turning her head to be kissed. He did not disappoint. Soon, she was out of her robe and on her back, with Ranger poised above her, each of them looking forward to a night of unbridled passion.

Ranger shifted his weight so he could kiss those luscious plump lips of hers, but his hand became tangled in her hair, and he inadvertently pulled until she hissed in pain.

"Sorry, Babe," he murmured, kissing her and massaging her scalp to relieve the sting.

"That's all right," she whispered, running her hands through his hair and giving it a gentle tug. "Sometimes, a little pain can heighten things." With that, she kissed his neck and then bit him, not too hard, but hard enough to make him groan in arousal.

He continued fondling, kissing and caressing as he moved down her body, paying special attention to those spots he knew drove her wild. Extremely aroused himself, he slid his leg in between hers, accidentally bumping her groin with his knee. She gasped in pain.

"Did I hurt you?" he asked, his voice no more than a whisper as he rose up so he could look into her eyes.

"It's all right," she replied. "Your knee just hit me a little hard in... a sensitive place."

His brow furrowed, wondering what was wrong with him tonight. He was never clumsy with a woman, and especially not with Stephanie. He moved down her oh so responsive body, eager to kiss away the hurt in that sensitive place.

He kissed circles around her breast and then sucked her nipple into his mouth. Again, he heard her gasp in pain. Her hands came up on either side of his head and lifted him up. She explained, "My breasts are really tender right now," she murmured. "I must be close to my period."

Ranger nodded and resumed his loving ministrations, trying to be very gentle with her. He thought he had lightened the pressure, but she still sucked in air trying hard not to complain. For just an instant, Ranger began to doubt his sexual prowess.

All of a sudden, a screeching noise filled the air and both Ranger and Steph looked at each other, saying simultaneously, "Fire!" They both scrambled to get dressed, Ranger ripping his pants even more. Frustrated, he tore off the dangling bottom half of the right pant leg. Steph grabbed Rex's cage and they dashed out into the hallway that was rapidly filling with old folks. The shriek of the hallway fire alarm was deafening.

Ranger immediately took charge and had Steph call in the emergency while he guided everyone down the stairs, refusing to let anyone use the elevator. One of the older women struggled with her walker, so Ranger scooped her up and carried her down the stairs, making sure everyone got out safely. It took him forever, but he finally marshalled everyone toward the back of the parking lot, well away from the building, before he ran back in for a last check.

He followed the smoke trail to the third floor and found Mrs. Bestler leaning against her open door, a glass of bourbon in one hand and a kitchen towel in the other. She was lazily waving wisps of smoke out of her apartment with the towel. He was about to pick her up and sling her over his shoulder, when the acrid smell of burning popcorn hit his nostrils.

Mrs. Bestler looked up at him with a sheepish grin. "Here's looking at you, kid," she giggled, raising her glass to her lips. "We can still watch the movie, but I'm afraid popcorn is off the menu tonight," she said, pointing toward her kitchen and dropping the towel. Then she reached out her wrinkled, age-spotted hand and placed it on his bare knee, slowly moving it up his thigh. "But I'm still on," she said, suggestively. "Very on." She puckered up, "Kiss me. Kiss me as if it were the last time."

Ranger just shook his head at the obviously inebriated woman. Quickly extricating himself from her roving hand, he did a quick run through her apartment and found the still smoldering bag of popcorn in the microwave. He called the fire department and reported the fire as a false alarm, then went back out to the parking lot to herd all the old folk back into the building.

His last stop was Steph's apartment. She was just settling Rex and his tank back in his usual spot on the kitchen counter when Ranger joined her. Steph slipped her arms around him and let out a big sigh.

"Well, that was fun," she said, sarcastically. "And you have to admit, that was _not_ my fault."

"It's rarely your fault, Babe," Ranger agreed, tightening his hold on her waist. "By the way, is Mrs. Bestler related to your grandma?"

Steph giggled. "No, but there are similarities. They're both lonely, but they have good taste in men." She reached down and stroked his bare knee.

Normally, that would have been all the invitation Ranger needed, but given his earlier poor performance, he decided to call it quits for the night. Reluctantly, he informed her, "I have an early morning appointment. I'll call you tomorrow." He kissed her and walked out the door. Steph ran her fingers over her tingling lips, confused and unsatisfied.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

On Monday, Ranger drove over to Giovichinni's with Hector and Lester. As he walked his men through the store pointing out the locations for camera installation, a little boy got in their way. Impatient and in a lousy mood, Ranger shot one of his intimidating looks at the boy. Instead of running away in tears, the boy stuck his tongue out at him.

Lester chuckled and made an offhand comment, "What's up, Ranger? Don't tell me you can't even scare the crap out of a little kid. You're gonna lose your badass status if you keep that up. "

The public ribbing didn't sit well with Ranger. Normally, an icy stare would shut Lester up or maybe the threat of a sparring match, but Ranger didn't have the patience for that. Not after the disasters he'd endured yesterday. His right arm shot out, striking Lester in the gut. Irritated at his own lack of control, Ranger stalked out of the market, leaving his men to help Mr. Giovichinni with the security system.

As soon as he stepped off the curb onto the asphalt, pigeons flew up and overhead, and for the first time in his adult life, Ranger ducked trying to avoid a flock of birds. Disgusted with his "flight" response, he strode to his car and beeped it open with his fob. He reached for the door handle, but the door was locked. He knew he had locked the door earlier, but he also knew he'd heard the "open" beep. He tried the fob again, and heard the correct signal, but when he tried the door, it was still locked. The high-pitched sound of cackling came to him from the far end of the market.

Ranger glanced up and caught sight of Bella Morelli ducking back into the alley next to the market. Her laughter continued even as she disappeared from sight. With a shake of his head, Ranger used his key to manually open his car door and then he angrily peeled out of the parking lot.

The day only got worse after that.

On the way back to RangeMan, he took a call for a security alarm reported at a client's storage warehouse. When Ranger arrived, he could hear the alarm piercing the air of the normally quiet industrial park. He quickly scoped out the area and determined whoever had tripped the alarm had already fled. The warehouse had not been broken into.

The building's cameras were digital and the alarm system was wireless, so there were no video tapes to gather, but the system would require a manual reset. It was a simple procedure, but no matter what he tried, Ranger could not get the alarm to turn off. Workers were coming out of neighboring businesses and standing around with their hands over their ears and frowns on their faces. Frustrated with his inability to turn off the ear-splitting alarm, Ranger ripped the casing off the box and with one smooth movement smashed his fist into the controller. The alarm shut off immediately to the relief of everyone within earshot. But now Ranger was left with a disarmed, broken security system and bleeding knuckles.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialed Tank. "Send someone over to replace the alarm panel at Murdoch's warehouse."

"Was the alarm a malfunction?" Tank asked. "I'll send Hector over to check it out as soon as he's finished at Giovichinni's."

"It doesn't need checking over. It needs to be replaced," Ranger growled.

"Hector can do wonders with troublesome motherboards," Tank said. "Let him take a look at it first."

Ranger glanced over at the shattered control panel and then down at the pieces that had fallen to the ground. Blood was still slowly dripping from his torn up knuckles. It took effort, but Ranger got a handle on his anger and spoke in a controlled but indisputable voice, "The board requires a total replacement. Take care of it. Now."

There was a pause and then Tank replied, "Done. I'm sending Zero over with a new system." Another pause and then Tank continued in a sarcastic voice, "Do you think you can handle a simple apprehension? Connie just called. She's got a skip that needs picking up."

"Done," Ranger said angrily, musing that Tank needed an attitude adjustment. He disconnected and got into his car. He'd wait until Zero arrived, just in case someone decided to take advantage of the defunct alarm.

While he waited, he thought back to everything that had happened over the last couple of days. They had been miserable ones for him. He wondered if he was coming down with a bug. That might explain a lot, including his clumsiness, his coughing and stuttering, his inability to figure out how to shut off the alarm. Except that he felt fine. No fogginess in his head, no fever, no abdominal issues. No, it wasn't ill health.

The sound of cackling and the image of a little old lady dressed all in black flashed into his mind. Right, he thought. It was Bella's curse. He almost chuckled to himself. The day he believed in the evil eye would be the day he hired Steph's crazy grandma as his martial arts expert. He might as well shoot himself if he started believing in such drivel — voodoo or vordo, all of it's ridiculous, he mused.

He stopped by Vinnie's to pick up paperwork for a skip that was too dangerous for Stephanie and Lula to handle. He'd prefer to hand the job over to Lester, but since Les was doing him a favor with Mr. Giovichinni, Ranger decided to pick up the skip himself. Connie had the file ready for him when he walked in the door of the bails bond office. She also had a pink bakery box filled with donuts from Tasty Pastry on her desk. Without thinking about it, Ranger plucked a jelly-filled donut out of the box. Connie's eyes got big as he took a bite out of the donut, then she gasped in horror as a huge blob of red jelly dropped onto his tight black t-shirt. Not sure if she should acknowledge the messy incident or not, she slowly handed Ranger a napkin. He grabbed the napkin, then strode out of the office without a word.

On the way to his vehicle, he dumped the last of the donut and the wadded up napkin in the dumpster in the alley. He shook his head in disbelief. What had possessed him to eat a donut? He couldn't remember the last time so much sugar and lard had passed his lips. Maybe Steph's bad habits were wearing off on him.

He quickly looked over the file Connie had prepared for him. The FTA's name was Marcus Dunwoody and he'd been arrested for armed robbery and assault. The bail had been set high, probably assuming the perp would never be able to come up with the $250,000. But somehow he had and now he was missing. Ranger booted up his laptop and ran a quick search on Dunwoody.

The address he found for Dunwoody was in Chambersburg, but a run-by his apartment indicated he hadn't been there since his arrest. Same thing with his parents' and brother's houses. Ranger did a deeper search and ran a financials program. Dunwoody had very little money in the accounts Ranger could find. He was divorced and his ex-wife had remarried. A quick search on her revealed that she had recently withdrawn a considerable sum of money from her retirement and savings accounts. It was worth a trip to check out.

Armed with this new information, Ranger headed out to Hamilton Township. He found the address he was looking for with no problem. The five-story apartment building where Dunwoody's ex and her new husband lived was in an upscale neighborhood.

Ranger climbed the stairs to the third floor and knocked on the ex's door. An attractive, scantily-clad woman in her forties opened the door and before Ranger could introduce himself, he saw Dunwoody sprint out of the living room and run toward the back of the apartment. With a terse "Excuse me, ma'am," Ranger pushed through the door and raced after the fleeing man.

Dunwoody had disappeared into a bedroom and Ranger quickly followed. An open window beckoned and Ranger could hear pounding steps on the metal fire escape. Soon, both men were climbing down the outside steps, but Dunwoody had a lead on Ranger. There was no way Ranger was going to let him get away, especially not with everything else that had been going wrong in his life lately.

Ranger made a snap decision and leapt off the fire escape. A part of him was surprised when he hit his target squarely, given his recent clumsiness. He and Dunwoody hit the ground hard and rolled to the middle of the alleyway. Ranger was quickly able to take the top position and straddled Dunwoody. He reached back for his cuffs at the same time Dunwoody held up a stun gun. The last thing Ranger remembered was a searing pain exploding in his chest. As he collapsed, he uttered, "Oh, fuck."

When he came around, he saw a large dark shape hovering over him. He reached out to grab it and felt it shaking. As his eyes focused, he made out Tank and saw that his second in command was shaking with silent laughter — at his expense. Anger surged through him, but he was still too numb and unable to move.

"Have a nice nap?" Tank said, a shit-eating grin splitting his face.

"Fuck you," Ranger spat out as he tried to sit up.

"Take it easy," Tank said, but he helped Ranger get up. "You're sure having a run of bad luck lately." Ranger only grunted.

It took several halting steps before Ranger could walk on his own, but he shrugged Tank off and shook out the pins and needles in his legs and arms. He made a quick check and was relieved he still had his handgun tucked in his waistband. His cuffs were still there too. He shook his head in disgust. Who would expect Dunwoody to have a stun gun? A handgun, yeah, but not a stun gun. And chances were that Dunwoody was at least ten counties away by now. He couldn't remember the last time he'd not brought in a man he'd gone after. He continued to walk around the alley, shaking off the effects of the electrical shock.

Over the buzzing in his ears, he thought he heard a high-pitched cackle and swung around, looking for its source. He only saw Tank, standing several yards away, hands on his hips and a puzzled look on his face. His comment about bad luck struck a chord with Ranger. He normally didn't believe in luck, but he also had no other explanation for everything that had gone wrong for him in the past few days — ever since Bella Morelli had given him the evil eye. He couldn't-wouldn't-believe in curses.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Ranger spent the next few days in the office. He had employee evaluations to do, and meetings with the RangeMan accountant and attorney to discuss taxes and company investments. He was busy with paperwork and meetings, and was relieved that there were fewer chances for people to observe any incidents of clumsiness.

And there were several. He couldn't believe it when he tripped down a flight of stairs, and this time Stephanie wasn't anywhere near him. He fell off the treadmill when he was working out in the gym. And Ella had an impossible time getting the red wine stain out of the carpet in his apartment.

It had been the week from hell, as far as Ranger was concerned. If it continued much longer, he'd have to find some way to address it, but the possible solutions were an enigma to him. He simply couldn't bring himself to give any credence to evil eyes or curses. Morelli's grandma was just a bitter, pushy and manipulative old lady. He knew many people faced with such superstition had problems simply because they believed in curses and let the power of suggestion influence their actions. But he couldn't believe he was susceptible; he wouldn't allow it.

Right now, all he wanted was to spend a quiet evening at home with Stephanie, but she had other ideas. It was Friday night and Stephanie wanted to go to Pino's. She had a craving for a meatball sub, and Ranger had a hard time saying no to her, even though he wasn't too enthusiastic about going out in public. They entered the restaurant and all eyes turned on them, but people's attention quickly went back to their own affairs once they saw who it was. Ranger was able to get through dinner without a major mishap, much to his relief. This time, he let Steph finish her tiramisu, while he finished what was left in the bottle of Cabernet.

Suddenly, a hush fell over the restaurant. Ranger scanned the room and saw the reason. Joe Morelli had entered Pino's, and he was with a date. She was a statuesque brunette, in her mid-thirties. She was quite attractive, well-dressed and had a glow of new love about her. Diners' eyes were ping-ponging between Ranger and Steph and Joe and his date.

"Babe..." Ranger started.

"It's OK, Ranger," Steph said, her hand gently squeezing his. "I knew Joe was seeing someone. The Burg grapevine, you know."

She waved at Joe and he came over to their table, with the beautiful woman in tow. Ranger stood. Steph held out her hand. "You must be Christiana. I'm Stephanie." They shook hands. "And this is Carlos. Please, won't you join us?"

Ranger was surprised at Steph's ready acceptance of Joe and his date, but he went along with it. She definitely seemed to be over her old flame and ready to make a commitment to him. Ranger had surprised himself at how quickly and easily he had moved into a daily relationship with Steph.

Joe and Christiana brought over chairs and the four of them settled in around the table. As the conversation flowed, Ranger learned that Joe and Christiana had been dating for over two months, but had been trying to keep it on the QT. However, their relationship had been revealed yesterday when Grandma Mazur had seen them at the park, with Christiana's four-year-old daughter from her first marriage. It was obvious Joe and Christiana were in love. Joe was relaxed and smiling, and Christiana kept leaning into him and smiling back at him. And Joe hadn't let go of Christiana's hand since they'd entered Pino's.

After a few more minutes of small talk, Ranger and Steph excused themselves and exited Pino's. It had rained while they were eating, and there were big puddles in the parking lot. Ranger was extra careful trying to avoid stepping in one, and he didn't see the old woman approaching them. Before they reached Ranger's vehicle, the little old lady dressed all in black stopped them.

"Not again," Ranger muttered, as Bella Morelli held up her hand. But this time, Bella began muttering in a low sing-song voice, like a chant.

When she was done, she smiled up at Ranger. "I have removed the _malacchio_ ," she said in her scratchy voice. "My grandson has found his true love. He is happy, happier than he ever was with _her_." Bella shot a hard look at Steph, and then back again to Ranger. "Try to be happy, if you can, with your _cursed_ woman." Then she turned, her high-pitched laughter sounding over her hunched shoulder as she shuffled away.

Ranger and Steph stared at Bella until she disappeared into the darkness, and then both of them looked at each other and exclaimed simultaneously, "What was that about?"

Steph asked, "Did that old bat put a curse on you?" She glanced at the spot where Bella had disappeared. "She said something about the evil eye exploding."

Ranger shook his head and tried to laugh it off. "I think she was taking the curse off. I told you that I'd run into her a week ago last Friday. And that she wasn't thrilled that you and I were together." Ranger paused. "I guess now that Morelli has someone new in his life, all is forgiven."

"What did she curse you with?" Steph asked. "Omigod, was that why you had so many problems that night at Rossini's... and afterward?" She ducked her head, obviously embarrassed about bringing up a possible sore subject.

But Ranger was matter of fact about it. "Babe, there is no such thing as the evil eye. It's all just superstition."

Steph let out a _hrumph_. "Tell that to Eddie Yoblonski. After Bella cursed him, he broke out in oozing boils all over his body. Or Miriam Chiarella. She made Bella wait in line and a day later, all her hair started to fall out."

"It's just coincidence or the power of suggestion," he explained. "She called you cursed? Did she put the evil eye on you, too?" he asked, with a grin.

Steph rolled her eyes. "Well, duh. That nosy, interfering old hag put a curse on me years ago. It was when I took my first bounty hunting job with Vinnie. You know, going after Joe after he was accused of killing that guy. Bella was furious that I would dare try to bring in her precious grandson."

"What was the nature of this curse?" Ranger asked.

" _Is_ , not was. The curse is still in full effect. And it's one that has affected you, too." Steph answered.

Ranger lifted an eyebrow, but said nothing.

Reluctantly, Steph came clean. "It's the cars." Steph blew out an exasperated breath. "Bella never forgave me for hitting Joe with my car when I was eighteen. I barely tapped him, but he broke his leg when he fell. And so, when I accepted the job to bring Joe in, Bella cornered me and put the whammy on me. She told me I would have trouble with my cars for the rest of my life. Right after that, my car got trashed. It was no biggie, as the car was a piece of shit anyway. But when Joe's Cherokee blew up in my parking lot, I knew the evil eye was for real. And I think my history with cars since then speaks for itself. I'm definitely cursed."

"It's just a coincidence," he said, but he glanced again at the shadows.

"That's a heck of a lot of coincidences, Ranger. How many times have you loaned me a car after one of mine exploded or burned to a crisp. And how many of your loaners have I destroyed?"

Ranger was thoughtful for a minute. "You do have abnormally bad luck with vehicles, Babe. Except for your grandma's old Buick. That thing is indestructible."

"As much as I hate driving Big Blue, you're right. It is indestructible. Grandma Mazur said there's gypsy in her, and she put a protective spell over Big Blue to protect me from Bella."

"Good to know you're protected by something so substantial as a gypsy spell," Ranger quipped, almost grinning. "I guess that means you don't need me anymore."

Steph grinned. "I wouldn't go as far as that." She wrapped her arms around his neck, stood on tiptoe and kissed him. "I still need you for _some_ things."

"Also good to know," Ranger said, as he pulled Steph closer and returned her kiss, one right after another. Several minutes later, they finally broke apart. "Let's go home," he murmured, his lips brushing her ear.

Before Steph could move more than a few feet away, a truck entered the parking lot and ran through a deep puddle, splashing Steph from neck to toe. "Damn!" Steph cried, dripping with dirty water. She looked over at Ranger, who was dry as a bone. "How could you not get _any_ of that on you? You're only a few feet away."

Ranger shrugged, but inside he was grinning like a fool. Yep, things were back to normal. Which meant tonight promised to be a hot steamy night, and a smooth unbumpy one. He had his mojo back.

But as he drove back to Steph's apartment, he couldn't help but wonder about evil eyes, curses and gypsy spells. After all, Big Blue was still chugging along while dozens of Steph's—and his—vehicles were in car heaven. Maybe, just maybe...

 _What do you think?_

 _Was it the evil eye or just the power of suggestion that caused Ranger's bad luck, or just an unfortunate coincidence?_


End file.
